OKLAHOMA CITY (OP) –
As the 2003 legislative session
winds down, Oklahoma’s trial
lawyers are breathing a sigh of relief.
At the beginning of the session,
Gov. Brad Henry had promised tort
reforms that would be “stronger
than Texas.”
With two weeks left in the session,
Henry has backed off of this
statement, and now promises
reforms that are “stronger than
Texas football.”
After mounting an intense lobbying
effort against lawsuit reform,
trial lawyers have now resumed fulltime
mustache twirling, as well as
kidnapping damsels and tying them
to railroad tracks.
“Finally, I can relax again,” said
part-time trial lawyer Sen. Stratton
Taylor, D-Oklahoma City.
With the
threat to jackpot justice nearly
behind him, Taylor has resumed
wearing a the black top hat and
monocle that is the uniform of the
American Trial Lawyer Association.
“With tort reform essentially
emasculated, the people of Oklahoma
are the winners,” said Taylor.
“Lawyers can finally get back to eating
babies and kicking puppy dogs.”
Trial lawyers are not the only
party to benefit from Henry’s flaccid
reform promises. The state’s workers
compensation providers are eagerly
awaiting the governor’s limp-wristed
and toothless reform proposals.
At
press time, some had even resumed
covering themselves in goat’s blood
and sacrificing chickens to Baal.
“Thank goodness we have a governor who fights for the people, not millionaire special interests,”
said Taylor, himself a millionaire
trial lawyer who was especially interested
in the legislation. “I haven’t
had time to kill a kitten in months.”
