Panel Recommends Feeding Carroll Fisher To Shoeless Orphans

  The committee investigating embattled insurance commissioner Carroll Fisher has wrapped up their investigation. 

  Rep. Opio Toure, D-Oklahoma City chaired the commission, and said that, rather than calling for Fisher’s impeachment, they will simply feed him to a collection of shoeless orphans.

   Fisher is facing accusations that he stole money from a charity he operated. The charity was supposed to provide shoes to poor kids.

   Republicans say Fisher collected money, but spent it on booze and hookers. Democrats merely assume he spent it on booze and hookers. 

The 'Smaligo vs Toure' Cage Match

Fight'n words can get very caustic and provoking. Such is the nature of interactions with some coffee-binging radicals at the capitol.

  Our crack reporting team is working feverishly to get the scoop on these stories...

• – Smaligo, Toure to settle differences in steel cage match
• – Liberal activist judges rule ‘Right to Party’ inalienable

Balkman Drags Toure To Room 101 To ‘Discuss’ House Rule Changes

OKLAHOMA CITY (OP) –

  Rep. Thad Balkman, R-Norman, and Rep. Opio Toure, D-Oklahoma City, have been debating controversial changes to House rules since the first day of the session. However, negotiations are going much smoother since relocating to Room 101, a spokesman for Balkman reported. 

  Situated deep within the Ministry of Truth, Room 101 is often used by the Party to destroy those who would resist it. 

  Upon exiting the room, lawmakers are often more responsive to counter-proposals. In this case, Rep. Toure agreed that; 

"he who controls the House controls the present, and he who controls the present controls the future." 

Toure also noted that he loved Big Brother.