Legislator Confirmed To Be Marilyn Manson

OKLAHOMA CITY (OP) – House Republicans were shocked to learn that one of their own, Rep. Tad Jones, R-Claremore, had previously fronted 90’s shock-rock band Marilyn Manson. In his rock-and-roll heyday, Manson was renown for his satanic imagery and explicit lyrics.

  The star fell from prominence in the late 90s, the victim of post-Columbine fallout and overshadowed by the rise of such provocative acts as Eminem and Creed.

 Changing his name to Tad Jones, “the most boyish, innocent-sounding name I could think of,” Manson was elected to the District 9 seat in 1998. As a performer, Manson was renown for his on-stage antics, including stunts featuring goats’ blood, blow-up dolls and strap-on dildos.

  As the House minority whip, Jones has authored legislation regarding school district elections and the use of golf carts on city streets. He says his day as the quasi-satanic musician are behind him, though he may still cover himself in blood during House debate.

Teacher’s Union Reports Little Success From ‘Kick Your Lawmaker in the Crotch’ Day

Rep. Mark Liotta, R-Tulsa, collects a crotchful of foot
from a state teacher outside the Capitol.

OKLAHOMA CITY (OP) –

Officials for the Oklahoma Education Association are concerned that “Kick Your Lawmaker in the Crotch” Day is not producing the results they desire. At the annual event, teachers from across the state rally at the Capitol.

  They then proceed to assault lawmakers, striking them between the legs and below the waistline as a way of drawing attention to educational issues facing the state.

 “In the past, a swift kick to the groin has been good way to get someone’s attention,” 

said Daisy Perosco, an official for the organization. “Once (lawmakers) are rolling and screaming on the ground, we can make our case for the importance of hiking teacher benefits.” However, some are concerned that the event has yielded diminishing returns.

   Rep. Tad Jones, R-Claremore, is the chair of the House Appropriations Subcommittee on Education. He has generally avoided teachers following a “meeting” that left him walking funny for a week. Perosco said the organization is looking into more effective lobbying efforts, and plans to sponsor “Go Medieval on Their Ass” day next year.