Sunday, May 29, 2005

Kris Steele Is Not An 'Adult Film' Actor

Rep. Kris Steele
We're still working on these breaking headlines:

 – Jay Parmley booted for endorsing actual Democrat to lead national party


 – Despite awesome name, Kris Steele isn’t a porn star

We're sorry for the delays, but good journalism requires a commitment to the facts.

Sunday, May 22, 2005

Partisan NetWatch: www.BubbaWorld.com

Partisan NetWatch: www.bubbaworld.com 
Cruise on over to 

“Oklahoma: The Way it Really Is.” 

Read about our state’s struggles with 
  1. cockfighting, 
  2. meth, 
  3. divorce, 
  4. teen pregnancy, 
  5. gay marriage 
  6. and more.   
  Them, in 500 words or less, explain how all of these problems could be solved by reforming Oklahoma’s workers compensation system.

Sunday, May 15, 2005

Balkman Drags Toure To Room 101 To ‘Discuss’ House Rule Changes

OKLAHOMA CITY (OP) –
  Rep. Thad Balkman, R-Norman, and Rep. Opio Toure, D-Oklahoma City, have been debating controversial changes to House rules since the first day of the session. However, negotiations are going much smoother since relocating to Room 101, a spokesman for Balkman reported. 
  Situated deep within the Ministry of Truth, Room 101 is often used by the Party to destroy those who would resist it. 
  Upon exiting the room, lawmakers are often more responsive to counter-proposals. In this case, Rep. Toure agreed that; 

"he who controls the House controls the present, and he who controls the present controls the future." 

Toure also noted that he loved Big Brother.

Sunday, May 8, 2005

Hiett Irritated That Governor Has Apparently Grown a Pair

OKLAHOMA CITY (OP) – According to sources within the House of Representatives, House Speaker Todd Hiett, R-Kellyville, is dismayed that Gov. Brad Henry has grown a pair of brass round ones. 

  “I’m not pleased with it,” said Hiett. 

  Upon the GOP takeover of the Oklahoma Legislature in the November elections, Republicans were expected to whip out their legislation in the face of astonished Democrats. At the time, Henry was expected to offer feeble counter proposals, including “EDGEpalooza 2005: Reaching for Excellence and Rubbing It all over our Bodies.” 
  However, the passage of lottery and cigarette tax measures has prompted a swelling in Henry’s package, and he has mobilized his mass of confidence to pre-empt Republican legislation. Last week, Henry was seen whipping out his massive prescription drug plan at a press conference.

Sunday, May 1, 2005

Republicans Amend Bible To Remove Inconvenient Passages

  Golden Rule, Beatitudes among sections deemed incompatible with GOP agenda 

By Lee Cruce, Partisan Staff Reporter
  One week into the 50th Legislative Session, House Republicans have forced through a bill that would amend the New Testament of the Holy Bible. Rep. John Trebilcock, R-Broken Arrow, said the changes were necessary to remove certain contradictions with orthodox GOP ideology. 
  "Clearly, it's embarrassing that so many aspects of our platform are opposed to key Christian principles. Saturated as we are in Social Darwinist special-interest money, we feel it would be easier and more efficient to simply amend the Bible" said Trebilcock. 
  Among the passages to be edited is Matthew 7:1, commonly referred to as "The Golden Rule." Traditionally, this verse admonishes readers to treat others as they would like to be treated. However, under the Republican package, the line would be modified to specifically exclude homosexuals.

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