By Johnston Murray - Partisan Staff Reporter
A bipartisan coalition of female lawmakers is
backing a bill that would require men to engage in
foreplay for at least 10 minutes prior to any act of
sexual intercourse.
Supporters say that HB 24601 would
increase the state’s cuddling and snuggling index. Oklahoma currently ranks 47th in the nation for
pre-coital interaction.
Rep. Sue Tibbs, R-Tulsa said;
“We don’t think it’s unreasonable for Oklahoma’s men to invest some time in pillow talk, hugging and kissing,” “Don’t get us wrong, we’re all about the freaky-deaky sex, we just think that guys should have to work for it.”
“This bill would help lower Oklahoma’s teen
pregnancy rate,” said Sen. Angela Monson, D-Oklahoma
City. “Most Oklahoma men want to
spend about five minutes getting their groove on." Monson said that, if men were required to actually
talk to their lovers, many would probably opt for
Internet porn instead.
Female backing for the bill was bipartisan,
with Democrats saying that the bill would help the
children and Republicans arguing that it would
boost economic development.
Rep. Bill Graves, R-Oklahoma City, said he
will vote against the bill, as he opposes any legislation
that would benefit women.
Furthermore, Graves said, the legislation presumes
the existence of a female orgasm.
According to Graves, the female orgasm is
“a controversial theory which some scientists present as scientific explanation. No one has ever seen a female orgasm. Therefore, any statement about it’s existence should be considered as theory, not fact.”
There is some male backing for the legislation,
described by
A number of male legislators oppose the bill,
saying that it would hurt their families by increasing
the amount of time they had to spend with
their mistresses.
Sen. James Williamson, R-Tulsa, rejected suggestions
that the bill would reaffirm “Oklahoma
values.” Williamson has been the official arbiter of
Oklahoma values since his election in 1996.
“Oklahoma values are primarily centered around discriminating against homosexuals. We can’t be wasting time spewing a bunch of mushy crap when we just want to get our freak on,”
Williamson said.
Not all male legislators oppose the bill,
although those that support it are considered to be
a bunch of pussies.
However, some real men have backed the
proposal.
Sen. Frank Shurden, D-Henryetta, said he
would consider voting for the legislation, providing
nothing in the bill would require him to take
his boots off.