OKLAHOMA CITY (OP) – Seeking to
boost the state’s supply of tall, square-jawed,
slightly condescending newscasters, a bipartisan
panel has recommended the immediate creation
of three more Ogle brothers.
“Kelly, Kent and Ken are doing an admirable job, but Ogles are the Baldwins of the heartland, and we feel that a strong Ogle presence is required to foster economic development, especially in the rural areas.”
In its six-month study, the commission
found that large areas of southeastern Oklahoma,
as well as the Panhandle region, lack
basic Ogle amenities such as Kelly’s two cents
or Kent’s puppy-dog eyes.
Some expressed concern about the report.
While most agreed that more Ogles were necessary,
some suggested that a shortage of “K” names
should limit the number of newscasters created.
“I mean, we’re already stretching it,” said
one official.
“Kelly isn’t even a guy’s name. I
guess we could call one ‘Kris’ but what’s next?
Kliff? Kasey? Come on people.”
The panel says it is already considering the
K problems, and has recommended Kajagoogoo,
K-Swiss, and Kettle. Future Ogles will be
assigned the letter K followed by a number.
In the wake of the report, the Ogle cloning
facility near Vinita has geared up for a new
batch.
