Attorney General Says Anti Bullying Laws Cover 'Lampoon Journalism'

If we're not publishing next week, it's probably because David Prater had us locked up in Sheriff Whetsel's uber secret 'Dungeon of Fantasy Sadistic Arts'.
Otherwise we're working on..

– Senate Democrats straight-up pimp slap lieutenant governor

– Existentialists demand meaningless tort and workers comp reform 

Legislator Asks Brad Edwards To 'Please Get Out of Our Corner'

Brad Edwards, In Our Corner

OKLAHOMA CITY (OP) – A metropolitan-area lawmaker has authored legislation to get KFOR newscaster Brad Edwards out of our corner, where he has been for over 10 years. 

Sen. Cliff Branan, R-Oklahoma City, said it was time for Edwards to move on. 

“People are coming come from work, flipping on the lights, and Brad is just standing there, It’s creepy.” 

said Branan.

   KFOR producer David Bennent defended Edwards’ history of being in our corner. “Brad Edwards has always defended the people of Oklahoma, everything from poor hygiene at fast food restaurants or home remodeling gone wrong,” said Bennent.

 “He needs to be in your corner to do that, and he promises he won’t disturb your ficus plant.” Branan said he acknowledges Edwards’ work on behalf of Oklahoma consumers. However, he questioned why the newscaster felt compelled to stand in the corner. 

“People have reported him rocking back and forth, mumbling that he’s been a very naughty boy,”

 said Branan. “What’s up with that?” Under Branan’s legislation, Edwards would be forced out of our corner. He would be to stand along our wall, or within our closet.

Commission Recommends Creation of At Least Three More Ogle brothers

OKLAHOMA CITY (OP) – Seeking to boost the state’s supply of tall, square-jawed, slightly condescending newscasters, a bipartisan panel has recommended the immediate creation of three more Ogle brothers. 

  “Kelly, Kent and Ken are doing an admirable job, but Ogles are the Baldwins of the heartland, and we feel that a strong Ogle presence is required to foster economic development, especially in the rural areas.” 

  In its six-month study, the commission found that large areas of southeastern Oklahoma, as well as the Panhandle region, lack basic Ogle amenities such as Kelly’s two cents or Kent’s puppy-dog eyes. Some expressed concern about the report. While most agreed that more Ogles were necessary, some suggested that a shortage of “K” names should limit the number of newscasters created. “I mean, we’re already stretching it,” said one official. 

  “Kelly isn’t even a guy’s name. I guess we could call one ‘Kris’ but what’s next? Kliff? Kasey? Come on people.” The panel says it is already considering the K problems, and has recommended Kajagoogoo, K-Swiss, and Kettle. Future Ogles will be assigned the letter K followed by a number. In the wake of the report, the Ogle cloning facility near Vinita has geared up for a new batch.