Attorney General Files Restraining Order Against Lawmaker’s Mustache

OKLAHOMA CITY (OP) – On Monday, Oklahoma Attorney General Drew Edmondson announced that he had filed a restraining order against the mustache of Rep. Larry Rice, D-Pryor. “Rice’s facial hair is out of control,” said Edmondson. “We feel that, if it is allowing to grow unchecked, it threatens to consume the House.” 

  Edmond said the action was necessary to protect Rep. Joe Eddins, D-Vinita, who sits next to Rice in the House and has been assaulted by the mustache on various occasions. “I’m not saying he has to shave it but something has to be done. I can’t see anything from my desk anymore, and it’s like voting in a straw hut.” Eddins said. 

  In a previous filing, the attorney general successfully restrained the mustache of Rep. Greg Piatt, D-Ardmore. He said he is considering taking action against the goatee of Sen. Charles Ford, R-Tulsa, as well as filing suit against the soupstrainer of destruction worn by Rep. Mike Mass, D-Hartshorne

Stipe Escapes House Arrest

Police urge caution; 

Former senator last seen making illegal campaign contributions south of McAlester

By Martin Trapp, Partisan Staff Reporter:

  Former senator and convicted felon Gene Stipe escaped from house arrest on Monday, slipping out the back door while his wife was watching daytime TV. Stipe’s checkbook was also missing, which concerns authorities.

 “As of right now, we believe the fugitive to be hiding somewhere in the McAlester area,”

 said Pittsburg County sheriff Jerome Amaranto. “We’re concerned that he might try to funnel illegal donations into a city council race, or possibly contribute to the campaign coffers of Mike Mass.”

   In January, Stipe was sentenced for perjury, conspiracy to obstruct a Federal Election Commission investigation and conspiracy to violate the Federal Election Campaign Act. During the sentencing process, which was delayed six times, many sought jail time for the 77-year-old lawmaker. An exception was Sen. Frank Shurden, D-Henryetta, who recommended castration.