Industry Opposes 55-cent Increase On Meth Tax

OKLAHOMA CITY (OP) – A spokesman for Oklahoma’s methamphetamine industry says a proposed 55-cent would hurt the state’s already-struggling pharmaceutical manufacturing business. Gov. Brad Henry proposed the tax hike last month, saying the money would be used to provide Oklahoma teachers with cabana boys, liquor, and “all the coke they can snort.”

  However, a Durant meth manufacturer says the tax will simply drive customers to cheaper sources of the drug 

“Them there's that wants it, they just gonna get it on the Internets on in Texas,” 

said Lucas Boduke, a meth “chef” and part-time wife-beater. “Big government sumbitches always trying to take my sheeit,” said Boduke who, like many Oklahomans who complain about big government, derives most of his income from government subsidies and welfare payments.

   An official from the Oklahoma Education Association defended the need for the money. “Those cabana boys and liquor are for the children,” said Daisy Perosco, executive director of the union’s Bitching-and-Moaning Division. “Why do you hate children, you bastards?”

Hiett Irritated That Governor Has Apparently Grown a Pair

OKLAHOMA CITY (OP) – According to sources within the House of Representatives, House Speaker Todd Hiett, R-Kellyville, is dismayed that Gov. Brad Henry has grown a pair of brass round ones. 

  “I’m not pleased with it,” said Hiett. 

  Upon the GOP takeover of the Oklahoma Legislature in the November elections, Republicans were expected to whip out their legislation in the face of astonished Democrats. At the time, Henry was expected to offer feeble counter proposals, including “EDGEpalooza 2005: Reaching for Excellence and Rubbing It all over our Bodies.” 

  However, the passage of lottery and cigarette tax measures has prompted a swelling in Henry’s package, and he has mobilized his mass of confidence to pre-empt Republican legislation. Last week, Henry was seen whipping out his massive prescription drug plan at a press conference.

“You think you can roll with the big boy? Bring it on!” 

said Henry.

  No sooner has Republicans debuted their tort reform plans then Henry slapped them upside the head with a “Tax Rebate, OCAST investment” package. School consolidation and workers comp reforms were blocked by a higher education bond issue and a sweet slice of worker’s safety measures. 

  Despite early opposition by Henry’s developing spine, Hiett says Republicans will chip away at the governor over the course of the session. “Clearly, the governor’s sizable package has presented an unexpected obstacle to our legislation” said Hiett. However, the Speaker said that he is no stranger to ball breaking. Hiett most recently broke  the traditional Speaker’s Ball by banning alcohol from the event.

Hiett irritated that governor has apparently grown a pair

OKLAHOMA CITY (OP) – According to sources within the House of Representatives, House Speaker Todd Hiett, R-Kellyville, is dismayed that Gov. Brad Henry has grown a pair of brass round ones. 

  “I’m not pleased with it,” said Hiett. 

  Upon the GOP takeover of the Oklahoma Legislature in the November elections, Republicans were expected to whip out their legislation in the face of astonished Democrats. At the time, Henry was expected to offer feeble counter proposals, including “EDGEpalooza 2005: Reaching for Excellence and Rubbing It all over our Bodies.” 

  However, the passage of lottery and cigarette tax measures has prompted a swelling in Henry’s package, and he has mobilized his mass of confidence to pre-empt Republican legislation. Last week, Henry was seen whipping out his massive prescription drug plan at a press conference.