OKLAHOMA CITY (OP) – Seeking to boost the state’s supply of tall, square-jawed, slightly condescending newscasters, a bipartisan panel has recommended the immediate creation of three more Ogle brothers.
“Kelly, Kent and Ken are doing an admirable job, but Ogles are the Baldwins of the heartland, and we feel that a strong Ogle presence is required to foster economic development, especially in the rural areas.”
In its six-month study, the commission found that large areas of southeastern Oklahoma, as well as the Panhandle region, lack basic Ogle amenities such as Kelly’s two cents or Kent’s puppy-dog eyes. Some expressed concern about the report. While most agreed that more Ogles were necessary, some suggested that a shortage of “K” names should limit the number of newscasters created. “I mean, we’re already stretching it,” said one official.