“Holy cockboxing!” scream surprised lawmakers
“Bow before your chicken overlords!” warns longtime gamefowl advocate
By Robert Williams, Partisan Staff Writer
In a shocking twist on the Senate Floor, Sen. Frank Shurden, D-Henryetta,
tore off his mask to reveal he was really an Oklahoma gamecock in disguise.
“And so the invasion begins!” shrieked Shurden.
Shurden has been a vocal opponent of a recent state law banning cockfighting.
Approved overwhelmingly in a statewide
election, the vote pitted urban opponents of animal
cruelty against rural economic development.
Following the ban, Shurden lobbied in favor of
lowering the penalties and reducing the crime to a misdemeanor.
Following the failure of that legislation, he
crusaded to legalize “cockboxing,” where the animals
would fight using tiny boxing gloves. That legislation
died in a Senate committee when members realized
that chickens don’t have hands.
Some have wondered why the senator would
work so hard on behalf of the industry, but the pieces
began to follow into place when it was discovered that
“Sen. Frank Shurden” is actually an unemployed gamecock named Rooster
McGee.
The outing of Shurden/McGee disrupted normal Senate operations and
pandering, and several entourages were left unescorted to the floor.
Frank Shurden, D-Henrietta
“The gentleman from Henryetta is recognized to be a chicken,”
said
Senate Floor Leader Jay Paul Gumm.
“I am the cockfight king!”
screamed McGee.
Sen. Angela Monson, D-Oklahoma City, was briefly endangered when
McGee lashed out with his feet, each talon equipped with razor-sharp knives.
The fowl lawmaker was wrestled to the ground through the bipartisan cooperation
of Sen. Johnnie Crutchfield, D-Ardmore, and Senate Republican
Leader Glenn Coffee, R-Oklahoma City.
In the days since the dramatic unveiling, Partisan researchers have begun to uncover the strange history of Francis Shurden Rooster McGee.
McGee was born in 1971, the Sooner-born offspring of a South Carolina
gamecock. A rising force in the local circuit, McGee’s star was just beginning
to rise as the animal rights movement began to pick up speed.
Following
a nearly fatal injury in the ring that ended a promising career, McGee
retired and set his sights on the political stage.
Teaching himself to speak English, he worked briefly as a lobbyist before
deciding to take matters into his own wings. “Frank Shurden” was first elected
to the state House in 1978, disguised as a human in order to run. (State
campaign laws do not recognize poultry or third parties).
In a press conference following the session, McGee announced that the
gamecock revolution was nigh, and soon hordes of angry chickens would surround
the Capitol.
State Attorney General Drew Edmondson announced he would sue
McGee for illegal deposits of chicken litter, but the Oklahoma Farm Bureau
is lobbying for him to dismiss the suit.
