Bob Anthony Survives Mount Doom

  We're suffering the ravages of holiday party circuit. That means we have more juicy stories to track down and too much eggnog weighing us down.

   Here's just a few of our possible stories for next week...

– Perverted lawmaker sad to learn real definition of ‘animal husbandry’ 

– Sen. Herb Rozell has your term limits right here, buddy

– Turpen eats Hargis 

– Bob Anthony plunges into fires of Mount Doom following scuffle with hobbit. Whereabouts of ‘Precious’ unknown

 – Boren announces fundraising drive to expand campus, build mind-control space laser 

– With SR19, Sen. Nichols appeals to Washington Lady Warriors Class 2A Girls Basketball State Champions demographic

Lawmakers Can’t Discuss Size of OU’s Endowment With a Straight Face

OKLAHOMA CITY (OP) – A bill that would require university officials to notify legislators of tuition increases was delayed last week as Senate debate turned to the size of OU’s endowment. 

  During a presentation by OU president David Boren, the issue of endowment was raised. “Would you say that the university is ‘well endowed’?” asked Sen. Owen Laughlin, R-Woodward.

 “Certainly, there’s no question that OU’s endowment is huge, and growing at a rapid rate,”  

  Boren replied. “Heh heh, he said ‘endowed’” noted Sen. Sam Helton, D-Lawton. For the next thirty minutes, Senators argued as to whether OU was more well endowed that OSU. Sen. Angela Monson, D-Oklahoma City, rolled her eyes through the debate, unsure as to why her male counterparts were so amused by OU’s sizable funding.

  “I haven’t seen them giggle this much since we debated cockfighting,”

 she said. 

OU Breaks Ground On Brian Bosworth School of Acting

By William Holloway, Partisan Staff Reporter

With the star of “Stone Cold” in attendance, officials at the University of Oklahoma broke ground on the Brian Bosworth School of Acting. Bosworth, a former linebacker for the Sooners, played for the NFL’s Seattle Seahawks before abandoning football for the glitz and glamour of Hollywood.

   He is perhaps best known for 1991’s “Stone Cold,” which won the Academy Award for Best Supporting Mullet. “The Boz” also starred in the 1997 television series “Lawless.” However, the show was pulled after one episode following concern that children would imitate the star’s dangerous haircut.

  OU President David Boren said it was time for the university to recognize the contributions of its most prolific thespian. Plans for the school were advanced when OU regents discovered nearly 200 square feet of the Norman campus that wasn’t already under construction. The outspoken actor said he was honored by the tribute.

 “It’s truly humbling to see OU coming together to recognize how incredibly awesome I am.”

   Some have said that OU’s theater department should be named for OU alumnus Ed Harris, the Oscar-nominated actor known for his performances in “The Right Stuff” and “The Truman Show.” However, it was decided that Harris’ penchant for thoughtful, non-kickass films was out of line with traditional Oklahoma values.