Tuesday, December 25, 2018

Freaky-ass Buffalo Statues Best Viewed on Ecstasy

Above: One of Oklahoma’s City’s new
“Spirit of the Buffalo” statues that is freaking awesome
when you’re totally out of your skull, man. 
OKLAHOMA CITY (OP) – According to a new study by the Oklahoma City Chamber of Commerce, the city’s freaky psychedelic fiberglass buffalo statues are most enjoyable when residents are tripping balls. 
  The “Spirit of the Buffalo” project is designed to increase awareness of nature conservation. Already, the exhibition has drawn rave reviews from residents whether they be stoned, fucked up, trippin’ or hammered. “Dude, I am blitzed out of my fuckin’ mind here,” said Shane Boyd, Dairy Queen cashier and part-time skateboarder. 

“Is that buffalo supposed to be wearing a tie?” 

he asked, vaguing gesturing toward a buffalo statue that was, in fact, supposed to be wearing a tie. Sponsored by local corporations and decorated by a variety of artists, the downtown statues have been alternately described as freaky and trippy.

Tuesday, December 18, 2018

Female Lawmakers Back Mandatory Foreplay Proposal

By Johnston Murray - Partisan Staff Reporter
 A bipartisan coalition of female lawmakers is backing a bill that would require men to engage in foreplay for at least 10 minutes prior to any act of sexual intercourse. Supporters say that HB 24601 would increase the state’s cuddling and snuggling index. Oklahoma currently ranks 47th in the nation for pre-coital interaction. 
  Rep. Sue Tibbs, R-Tulsa said; 

“We don’t think it’s unreasonable for Oklahoma’s men to invest some time in pillow talk, hugging and kissing,”  “Don’t get us wrong, we’re all about the freaky-deaky sex, we just think that guys should have to work for it.”

   “This bill would help lower Oklahoma’s teen pregnancy rate,” said Sen. Angela Monson, D-Oklahoma City. “Most Oklahoma men want to spend about five minutes getting their groove on." Monson said that, if men were required to actually talk to their lovers, many would probably opt for Internet porn instead. Female backing for the bill was bipartisan, with Democrats saying that the bill would help the children and Republicans arguing that it would boost economic development. 

Tuesday, December 11, 2018

Veteran Lawmakers Allege Political Sabotage

Sen. James Williamson
We're working on a few stories which aren't ready yet. We'll publish when we can.

– Aging, ugly lawmakers demand more soft light for official photos.
– Sen. James Williamson changes tune after ‘Queer Eye’ makeover 

Tuesday, December 4, 2018

Panel Recommends Feeding Carroll Fisher To Shoeless Orphans

  The committee investigating embattled insurance commissioner Carroll Fisher has wrapped up their investigation. 
  Rep. Opio Toure, D-Oklahoma City chaired the commission, and said that, rather than calling for Fisher’s impeachment, they will simply feed him to a collection of shoeless orphans.
   Fisher is facing accusations that he stole money from a charity he operated. The charity was supposed to provide shoes to poor kids.
   Republicans say Fisher collected money, but spent it on booze and hookers. Democrats merely assume he spent it on booze and hookers. 

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