Friday, August 31, 2018

Hobson Explains Frequent Absences

I’m Batman,’ says Senate President Pro Tempore

OKLAHOMA CITY (OP) - Senate President Pro Tempore Cal Hobson apologized to the Democratic caucus this week, saying that his frequent absences were due to his moonlighting as a caped crusader. "I don't know how else to say this," said Hobson, D-Lexington. "I'm Batman."
  Democratic senators have been critical of Hobson's performance this year, and some have asked the lawmaker to step aside. However, up until a recent caucus meeting, the Legislature was unaware of the Pro Tem's secret identity.
  Democratic caucus chair Sen. Kenneth Corn, D-Howe, said the group would need time to process this new information. "With great power comes great responsibility," said Corn. "We understand that (Hobson) knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men. However, the failure of Governor Henry's tort reform proposal to win a hearing has led us to believe we need a leader with more time to dedicate to the legislative process."
  Following the caucus meeting, Hobson said he would abide by the decision of his colleagues, before dropping a smoke bomb on the group and exiting the Capitol via grappling hook. 

Tuesday, August 28, 2018

Legislator Confirmed To Be Marilyn Manson

OKLAHOMA CITY (OP) – House Republicans were shocked to learn that one of their own, Rep. Tad Jones, R-Claremore, had previously fronted 90’s shock-rock band Marilyn Manson. In his rock-and-roll heyday, Manson was renown for his satanic imagery and explicit lyrics.
  The star fell from prominence in the late 90s, the victim of post-Columbine fallout and overshadowed by the rise of such provocative acts as Eminem and Creed.
 Changing his name to Tad Jones, “the most boyish, innocent-sounding name I could think of,” Manson was elected to the District 9 seat in 1998. As a performer, Manson was renown for his on-stage antics, including stunts featuring goats’ blood, blow-up dolls and strap-on dildos.

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